So, you’re coming to the Writing Center. And you want to choose the consultant who will be the best fit for you– but how can you know who that is, from the meager information provided by the WC scheduler? You could choose by which name you like best– but then how to decide between, say, Will H and Will C? Sarah M or Sarah C?? Or you could use the dropdown menu to choose a consultant who specializes in the subject of your paper… but that’s ridiculous. You don’t want to know if they’d get along with your paper, you want to know if they’d get along with you. Luckily, I’m doing the footwork, and I’ve been interviewing the consultants, asking the following hard-hitting questions:
What is your best skill?
What state are you?
and What question should I have asked you?
I’m pretty good at beatboxing.
You should’ve asked which US state I most identify with emotionally (Florida)
Procrastinating but still doing really well.
New York (because I’m rude and liberal).
Why are you Dave’s favorite person at the Writing Center?
Probably the ability to interact with hugely diverse groups of people.
What made you really mad at your parents when you were a kid? (In 4th grade I discovered I was colorblind, and I blamed them for it.)
Getting things done right before the deadline.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written in a paper? (Violent conflict is better.)
Drinking a lot of water.
This might be boring, but I’m Missouri.
What’s your worst skill? (College algebra)
Being the best Dungeon Master there ever was– and I’m willing to put that to the test.
My heart will never leave Oklahoma.
You probably should have asked me something about the F15’s combat performance.
First, procrastination. I also read the last Harry Potter book in 6 hours.
I’m gonna go with state of mind– this is my 6 word memoir: “Adult age, mind of wandering child.”
There’s lots of things you should have asked me. What is the weirdest thing that you’ve ever done? (I’m just a weird person, so I embarrass myself a lot and then I go curl up in a corner and cry.) What kind of coffee are you? (A grande vanilla caramel chai tea latte with soymilk– meaning I’m complicated yet I have different flavors.) What is your favorite thing to do to Dave? (Sass)
My best skill is barking like a dog.
Which president served two nonconsecutive terms? (Grover Cleveland)
I am very good at acting like I know what I’m doing in another country when I’m actually scared to death.
What are you going to get at the farmer’s market this weekend? (everything)
I can make my hand look really crippled and arthritic.
Vermont, I really like ice cream.
What’s your favorite book? (Peter Pan)
Either empathy or eating pizza.
Have you ever written 3 different papers about prostitution simultaneously without planning to?
Do I have a coffee addiction? (Yes.)
My greatest skill is being all-around delightful.
Is this my natural hair color? (Yes.)